How to Make Friends When You're the New International Student

You just got off a 14-hour flight. Your English is decent but not great. Everyone at school already has their friend groups. And you're standing in a hallway holding a schedule you can barely read, wondering how you're going to survive the next ten months.

I've been there. I arrived at a high school in Oregon from Osaka when I was 16, and for the first three weeks I ate lunch alone in the library. Not because I wanted to — because I didn't know how to break into a group of people who'd known each other since kindergarten.

But I figured it out. And now, as an alumni mentor for Atlas & Ivy, I've helped dozens of students navigate the same thing. Here's what I wish someone had told me on day one.

Stop Waiting for People to Come to You

This is the biggest mistake international students make. You sit quietly, hoping someone will notice you and invite you in. And sometimes that happens — there's always one friendly kid who collects new people. But most of the time, American students aren't ignoring you on purpose. They just don't realize you're waiting for an invitation.

American social culture is direct. People expect you to insert yourself. That means walking up to a table at lunch and saying, "Is it okay if I sit here?" It means asking the person next to you in class what they thought of the homework. It means saying yes to literally every invitation for the first two months, even if you're exhausted and would rather be in bed watching shows from home.

I know this sounds terrifying. It was terrifying for me too. But every friendship I made that year started because I said something first.

Join Something in the First Two Weeks

This is non-negotiable. Join a sport, a club, a drama production, a volunteer group — anything that puts you in a room with the same people on a regular schedule. Friendships aren't built in one conversation. They're built through repetition. You need a reason to see the same faces over and over again.

I joined cross country because I was a runner back home. I was not fast by American standards. But nobody cared. What mattered was that I showed up to practice every day, ran the same trails as everyone else, and suffered through the same hill workouts. After two weeks, I had inside jokes with teammates. After a month, I had people saving me a seat on the team bus.

If sports aren't your thing, find the art room, the robotics lab, the debate team, or the community service club. The activity itself matters less than the consistency. You need a place where people expect to see you.

Your Accent Is an Asset, Not a Liability

I spent my first month trying to hide my accent. I spoke as little as possible because I was embarrassed about my pronunciation. That was a mistake. Here's what I learned: Americans are genuinely curious about where you're from. Your accent isn't something to fix — it's an instant conversation starter.

When people ask, "Where are you from?" — that's not small talk. That's an opening. Tell them about your city. Show them pictures on your phone. Teach them a word in your language. People remember the kid who taught them how to say "thank you" in Japanese way more than they remember the quiet kid who never spoke.

And yes, you'll mispronounce things. You'll use the wrong word. Someone might not understand you, and you'll have to repeat yourself. That's fine. Nobody worth being friends with cares about your grammar.

Learn the Social Rules (They're Different Than You Think)

Every culture has unspoken social rules, and America's are specific. Here are the ones that tripped me up:

• "How are you?" is not a real question. The answer is always "Good, how are you?" If you launch into an honest assessment of your emotional state, people will look uncomfortable. Save the real answers for actual friends.
• Eye contact matters. In Japan, too much eye contact can feel aggressive. In America, not enough eye contact makes people think you're uninterested or dishonest. Find the middle ground.
• Personal space is wider than you expect. Americans generally stand about an arm's length apart. If you're from a culture where people stand closer, you might notice people stepping back. It's not rejection — it's just a different comfort zone.
• "We should hang out" is not a plan. If someone says this, they mean it vaguely. You have to follow up with something specific: "Want to grab food after school on Thursday?" Turn vague goodwill into actual plans.
• Group texts are how plans happen. If you get added to a group chat, you're in. That's the American version of being accepted. Participate.

Find the Other International Students — But Don't Only Hang Out With Them

There were four other international students at my school. We found each other immediately, like magnets. And it felt so good to be around people who understood the confusion, the homesickness, the frustration of not catching jokes.

But here's the trap: if you only hang out with other international students, you'll create a comfortable bubble that actually slows down your adjustment. Your English won't improve as fast. You won't learn American social norms. And you'll miss the whole point of being there.

The balance I found was this: international student friends were my support group. American friends were my growth group. I needed both. The international students understood what I was going through. The American students pulled me into the world I came here to experience.

Food Is a Universal Language

This is my secret weapon, and I share it with every student I mentor: bring food from your culture to share. I brought Japanese snacks to school — rice crackers, pocky, mochi — and suddenly everyone wanted to talk to me. "What is this? Can I try it? This is amazing. What else do you have?"

Food breaks down barriers faster than any conversation ever could. If your host family lets you cook, make a dish from home and bring leftovers to school. If you can't cook, bring packaged snacks. It doesn't matter. The point is that you're offering something personal, and people respond to that.

The Timeline Nobody Tells You About

Here's the truth that every international student needs to hear: friendship takes time, and there's a rough timeline that almost everyone follows.

Weeks 1-3: You feel isolated. Everything is overwhelming. You wonder if you'll ever belong here.

Weeks 4-6: You start having short conversations. People know your name. You have acquaintances but not real friends yet.

Months 2-3: You have a small group. Not best friends, but people you sit with, eat with, hang out with on weekends. The loneliness gets quieter.

Months 4-6: Your friendships deepen. Inside jokes happen. You stop translating in your head before you speak. Someone invites you to their house for the first time, and it feels normal.

Months 7+: You realize you have real friends here. People you'll miss when you leave. People who feel like home.

If you're in weeks 1-3 right now and everything feels impossible, just know: it gets better. Not because the situation changes dramatically, but because you change. You get braver. You get more comfortable. And the people around you start to see who you really are.

One Last Thing

The friends you make during your exchange year will be some of the most important people in your life. I'm 24 now, and three of my closest friends are people I met in that hallway in Oregon. We live on different continents, but we talk every week.

That's not unusual. That's the norm. The friendships you build during an exchange year have a depth that comes from shared intensity — you went through something big together, and that creates bonds that last.

So don't be afraid to start. Walk up to that table. Join that team. Share that snack. Your people are out there — they just don't know you yet.

About to Start Your Exchange Year? The adjustment is real, but so is the growth. Atlas & Ivy supports students before, during, and after their year abroad — including alumni mentors like Mika who've been exactly where you are. Learn more about our student support.